Today I am 37+4 weeks pregnant. Despite her antics this weekend (reduced movements & mild contractions all day Sunday) and the fact that I am constantly reminded that baby really could come at any time now, I am convinced that she will keep us waiting as long as she possibly can. The very last day they will let me reach is June 11th, and there is no denying that we will have welcomed our little girl into the world within the next 4 weeks and 3 days. Suddenly it all seems very scary.
If you’d asked me a week ago if I felt ready I would have immediately said yes – my hospital bags are packed, my birth plan written, I have changing stations all over the house, the cot, moses basket & snuzpod are up and ready, her nursery painted and clothes washed and hung, but as time goes on and our due date gets closer I am finding myself feeling so nervous and unprepared mentally and physically for birth and those early days with a newborn. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait to welcome her into the world and I am constantly torn between wanting her to hurry up and come meet us and hoping she stays in there a little longer but I’ve found myself questioning everything! Am I being selfish in choosing not to breastfeed? Have I got enough baby grows? Will I know what to do when she’s finally here? I’ve not really given labour or birth much thought, I just always had the philosophy of ‘she’s going to come out one way or another’. Do I need a TENS machine? Should I have bought a birthing ball? What happens if labour is super quick or really long? I should have found out more about antenatal classes!
I’m not really sure what’s changed, until this week I’ve been fairly relaxed about the whole thing, taking each day as it comes and counting down the minutes until we get to meet her. Perhaps it is the fact that my two last remaining bump buddies both welcomed their babies this weekend and reality has finally hit, or maybe the drama of last weeks water leak (from the boiler, not me!) and an ongoing feud has caught up with me. Whatever it is, I feel drained and a bit useless and in no fit state to push out a whole human being and provide her with everything she needs on the outside. I’m hoping this is all quite normal, that every mum to be gets a little fretful as D-Day approaches.
My midwife came for a home visit today as she couldn’t fit me in on her surgery days. She’s completely scatty and blazée about pretty much everything. Not once throughout this pregnancy has she asked about my own wellbeing, it took her until 34 weeks to refer me to the consultant team who I should have seen all the way through and I find the appointments all a bit pointless. Before she left I asked her whether she could tell me how baby is laying and whether her head was engaged yet or not. Baby is laying back to back and honestly while she made some mutterings about her being partially in place, I don’t think she really knew what she was talking about!
Symptoms wise, I’ve been having what I can only assume are Braxton Hicks along with shooting flash pains in my groin and boy oh boy my back hurts! I’ve also developed what Dr Google has diagnosed as carpal tunnel in my hands which makes them super stiff during the night and when I first wake up. Doing much of anything leaves me a bit nackered so I’m really having to accept that I have to slow down which is so frustrating when my to – do list is so bloomin’ long!
Apart from her snoozy day last Friday, baby is moving all the time still and while her movements are bigger they are still following the same pattern. According to Bounty.com she will be roughly 6.6lb and gaining 0.5lb each week until she comes. Her lungs should be fully developed and equipped to deal with life outside my tummy and she herself has a tummy full of meconium ready for her very first poo!
That’s all from me on the update front this week – I think there’s enough moaning in there to last you ’til the next one! – sorry about that. I’m off to tick off another few things off the to – do list while spending the day on all fours trying to turn this baby!